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Rules for Cats who have a House to Run...
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  I.  DOORS:  Do not allow closed doors in any room.  To get door
opened, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws.  Once door is
opened, it is not necessary to use it.  After you have ordered an
"outside" door opened, stand halfway in and out and think about
several things.  This is particularly important during very cold
weather, rain, snow, or mosquito season. Swinging doors are to be
avoided at all costs.
 
  II.  CHAIRS AND RUGS:  If you have to throw up, get to a chair
quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug.  If
there is no Oriental rug, shag is good.  When throwing up on the
carpet, make sure you back up so that it is as long as the human's
bare foot.
 

  III.&nb