"How To Install Software -- A 12-Step Program"
by Dave Barry from his  new book "Dave Barry In Cyberspace"

1. Examine the software packaging until you find  a little printed
box that explains what kind of  computer system you need to run the software.

It should look something like this:

SYSTEM REQUIREMENTS
2386 PROCESSOR OR HIGHER
628.8 MEGAHERTZ MODEM
719.7 MB FREE DISK SPACE
3546 MB RAM
432323 MB ROM
05948737 MB RPM
ANTILOCK BRAKING SYSTEM
2 TURTLE DOVES

NOTE: This software will not work on your computer.

2. Open the software packaging and remove the manual. This will
contain detailed instructions on installing, operating, and troubleshooting the software. Throw it away.

3. Find the actual software, which should be in  the form of either a 3.5-inch floppy diskette or CD-ROM, located inside a sealed envelope
that says:

LICENSING AGREEMENT:

By breaking this seal, the user hereinafter agrees to abide by all
the terms and conditions of the following agreement that nobody ever